And what would your dog do if there were no posties to terrorise?

 They’ve been around for 200 years and in that time they’ve had to survive all sorts of forgettable things like being bitten by dogs, attacked by dive-bombing magpies, knocked over by cars backing out of driveways, putting up with bugs and cranky spiders in the mail box and slippery and broken footpaths.

And because footpaths in some Orange areas resemble a motocross track, that makes delivery more difficult and leaves the posties open to crashing their bikes, particularly in the wet.

But, as the Pony Express used to say in the western movies, the mail must get through and our Orange posties do that efficiently and without complaint, even though their numbers are shrinking as more people turn to email rather than writing good old fashioned letters.

So why would Australia Post want to consider cutting their delivery runs to three times a week or charge people an annual $30 fee for a daily delivery?

The suggestion probably came from the same bright spark in Australia Post who wanted to change the colour of the postie bikes from red to green.

About 700 new green Hondas were trialled until a senior postal manager who disliked the look pulled the plug, ordering the bikes be returned to red again, which resulted in some being put off the road for weeks.

Dog squad call a fair cop

Quite often Orange cops have to chase young crims on foot over fences and through backyards, mostly at night in the dark.

And because there could sometimes be a fitness differential (if that’s a polite way of describing it), quite often the crooks outrun them.

So what we need is a solution and one of those highly skilled dog squads would fit the bill because the k-9s are trained to track and corner offenders.

The intelligent dogs always get their man so there’s no way our Orange crooks would ever give them the slip.

And it would reduce the possibility of our coppers having a heart attack.

Leeches suck aches and pains away

Is there anything new under the sun?

Overseas alternative therapists have opened clinics using leeches to suck away aches and pains in the latest health fad they claim can also cure illnesses like arthritis, shingles and repetitive strain injury.

 It’s probably not too flash having these slimy things feeding on you, but they release anti-clotting, blood-thinning chemicals that helps continuous circulation.

Some surgeons apparently use leeches in modern medicine to restore blood flow and there’s also claims leeches can ease migraines and headaches. Hollywood actress Demi Moore regularly has leech therapy she credits for her youthful looks.   

But it’s interesting the use of leeches for medical purposes here can be traced back at least 169 years to explorer and surveyor-general Major Thomas Mitchell, whose fourth expedition trundled out of Boree at Cudal back in December 1845 to try to find a way across the country to the small settlement of Port Essington, north east of Darwin.

A month later in February, with similar weather conditions as we have now of drought and severe heat, with Mitchell’s thermometer under a tree showing 110 degrees (43.3C), he woke completely blind one morning from an eye inflammation caused by the hot and dry air.

According to Mitchell’s diary, the expedition’s Dr Stephenson recommended the application of leeches and, having seen some in ponds back a few miles at ‘Nyingan’ (Nyngan), he sent Aboriginal guide Yuranigh to get some.

The doctor applied 14 to his eyes that afternoon and the next day his sight had returned.

 So if you have any minor health problems, maybe leeches are the answer and we’ve got lots in Orange waterways.

For one, just hop out the Ophir Road to the Third Crossing on Summer Hill Creek, jump in the water and, with memories as a kid, three or four will latch on to your leg before you can say Jack Robinson.

Aargh.

 It’s probably better to suffer.

A natural dilemma

Little Tommy asks his mother where he came from.

“From under a cabbage, dear,” she says.

“And where did you come from Mum?”

 “The stork brought me.”

“Where did Grandpa come from?”

 “The stork brought him, too.”

 “Mum,” says Tommy, “Doesn’t it worry you to think there hasn’t been any natural births in our family for three generations?”

Queues fuel road rage

Dopey drivers are still queuing in William Street at the entrance to the Woollies petrol station at the Fiveways.

It’s a wonder cars turning left out of Summer Street haven’t barrelled one of them because they block the street while they sit there waiting to get into the station’s driveway.

 The chaos is bad enough in some of our other petrol stations as it is, with cars driving in from different directions and even parking nose to nose at the bowsers while they fill without other idiots queuing on the roadway.

Sam disappoints fans

South Sydney’s Orange Rabbitohs’ fans, like those everywhere, are disappointed big Sam Burgess is defecting to English rugby next year.

 It just goes to show that loyalty can often go out the window, because the club has done everything possible to make him happy here along with his brothers and mother, who all relocated to Sydney from England.

Obviously the Rabbitohs didn’t see the move coming because this year’s membership cards have a photo of Sam ... with his hand on his heart, the traditional gesture of loyalty.

 His fans are wondering where it’s gone.