Only a couple of weeks ago we were remembering Armistice Day, which was a worldwide recalling of the cessation of hostilities of war 100 years ago.

White Ribbon Day was a much less dramatic occasion, but it still was an effort by dedicated people to draw attention to yet another blot on our national landscape.

I refer, of course, to domestic violence, that hidden and heartbreaking pestilence that occurs right under our noses, and which so often escapes our attention.

Violence is still violence whether it takes place on international shores with huge military involvement, or in the hidden recesses of the family home.

It is still in need of urgent attention at the grassroots.

Almost every day we read of bullying, extortion, examples of inhumanity to others, be they male or female, child or adolescent, pillars of society or strugglers, living in apparent comfort, or existing on the fringes and margins.

White Ribbon has tried to draw our attention to the plight of women and children victims of this breakdown, but it can and does include men, too.

We need to find solutions that get to the root of the problems, rather than trying to mend the broken lives when the tragedies have already happened.

It’s like the story about the ambulance being parked at the bottom of the cliff to rescue the survivors, rather than building a security fence at the top to prevent people from falling.

Things like anger management, domineering behaviour, personality disorders, addictions to drugs or alcohol, untreated mental health problems, unemployment, rising living expenses, or relationship breakdowns can all contribute to unrest and disagreement in the family home.

Thankfully, in more recent times, more people are accessing the available services to get the help they need to deal with their problems before they escalate to breaking the law and falling under the umbrella of domestic violence, or cause irreparable damage to the victims.

Sometimes it may simply start by finding and trusting a listening ear to confide our dilemmas.

It is not just a question of “you should … ”  or “you ought ...” that can provide the solution. That could do more harm than good.

It is closer to being able to verbalise what is going on without laying blame or shame.

It needs to be an exercise of respect, recognising the dignity of the sufferer, responding with empathy and compassion without laying down the law or criticising anyone concerned.

The perpetrators of domestic violence often are behaving in a way they grew up with and never received the help they needed.

We are not in a position to judge, and can never take on the role of judge and jury.

The courageous people who marched under the White Ribbon banner were stepping out with courage and compassion on behalf of the victims of domestic violence and their families without judgment or condemnation.

Hopefully both the victims and the perpetrators will be able to find the courage and humility to step up to the services available and give themselves another chance at life.