“He’s the hero Orange needs, and the one it deserves.”
Matt Findlay is talking about his mate Damo Harton, who has snuck into the top 10 for the Most Ordinary Rig competition, held by Budgy Smuggler each year to find the most average, uninspiring and mediocre physiques in the country.
Damo will be flying the Orange flag high at the finals in Sydney in January.
Findlay is an expert on ordinary rigs, having been awarded as the third most ordinary rig in Australia last year, and has dubbed himself Damo’s “mentor in mediocrity” for the journey.
However, Damo said his physique doesn’t take much coaching.
“It comes pretty naturally, I was a skinny kid but when I turned 18 it sort of bloated out and the beer gut never stopped,” Damo said of his rig.
“A lot of pies go into it, I enjoy I good pie on smoko, and I’m not one to skip the drive through either, there are a few things contributing to it.”
The 26-year-old, who works as a carpenter in between eating pies on smoko, said he’s proud of the rig.
“I like to describe myself as sloppy skinny, I’m still skinny when I’m dressed, but very sloppy when the clothes are off,” he said.
Findlay has labelled Damo’s physique the “epitome of mediocrity”.
“It’s called the Most Ordinary Rig competition… Damo is genuinely ordinary,” he said.
“The guys that went last year, we all had terrible rigs.
“From the right angle he looks alright, and then you rotate him 30 degrees and it’s gone.
“There’s a pot belly and a hint of man boob, it’s perfect.”
A month out, Damo is starting to brainstorm for ways to bring the Budgys handed out of prizes – 10 pairs with photos of the winner plastered all over them – back home.
The competition involves a Victoria Secret runway, a show and tell and a talent show, among other things.
However, he’s keeping his ideas for the competition close to his chest.
“I’m trying to keep it a bit secret, but I’ve got a few pretty good ideas,” he said.
Damo isn’t revealing what he’ll do for show and tell, but he has one yarn he – and coach Findlay – loves which exemplifies his ordinariness.
“I was in Forbes playing footy, woke up late without enough time for brekky, so I got up and had two mars bars for brekky,” he said.
“I was coming back from injury at the time so thought I was starting on the bench, so as I turned up I’d grabbed another mars bar and a sausage roll and washed it down with a coke.”
“I spent the whole game on the field hoping no-one would run into my gut and make me throw up everywhere.”
To save readers a closer look, Damo revealed his Budgys had a beer mug on them, as a throwback to his days playing rugby in Boorwa.
“The rugby side there had that as part of their logo, so we had team budgys made with it on them,” he said.
Damo said he was excited by heading to Sydney for the competition.
“I’d love to go a step further than Finny mainly to grab bragging rights over him,” he said.
“Special mentions to Matt Findlay and Tom Goolagong and the rest of the boys at Emus for egging me on.”