CHRISTMAS is a time to spend with loved ones, a time of joy, but it can also be a time of immense sadness.
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Shirley Hohnberg understands this all too well.
This will be the second Christmas she will spend without her husband Phillip who lost his battle with depression.
“He was jovial, slightly obese, a wonderful dancer, he could do everything,” she said.
Mr Hohnberg committed suicide in Bloomfield hospital in 2013.
Suicide. A word rarely seen in the media, but a word Mrs Hohnberg wants shouted out until it no longer becomes an uncomfortable topic, is no longer whispered behind doors and is no longer a subject of shame.
If depression and suicide were more openly discussed then her stoic, farmer husband who was full of “wit and love” might have survived.
But unfortunately his family had no idea of the inner turmoil that had gripped him.
“No, total shock,” Mrs Hohnberg said.
“We’d been out socialising, none of us had any idea.
“It was the conditions on the farm, with 10 inches of rain and a few different farming things and then prostate problems ... and a lack of sleep.”
At most, Mrs Hohnberg said her husband was more quiet.
It was not until his first hospital admission in 2012 that it became apparent to the family he was suicidal.
“He was a 67-year-old man, fit and healthy with no history of mental illness,” she said.
Yet he died nonetheless and the Hohnberg family wants to talk about Mr Hohnberg in the hope that other families will be spared their pain.
Mr Hohnberg’s daughter Tamara said it was about time people talked about suicide and depression in the same way they talked about cancer.
It was a legitimate illness and people should not feel ashamed to tell their families, their friends or their doctor, she said.
She believed if people were more open about the illness then sufferers would be more inclined to seek the appropriate help.
“It’s currently a taboo and until the media starts talking about it then society won’t talk about,” she said.
“I think it’s a massive issue. People talk about depression increasing and increasing suicide rates and until we feel open about it and are able to talk about it, there will always be that stigma attached.”
If Mr Hohnberg felt more comfortable talking about his struggles then perhaps he could have received treatment before he began having suicidal thoughts, she said.
“Talking is a good way to be open about your feelings ... you might need to go and get help,” Ms Hohnberg said.
“It’s better to get help early and look at doing things to actually improve the situation rather than continually living with the bad side-effects of depression. There is a better option.”
Talking to loved ones about depression might not be the easiest option, but there are several organisations that offer 24-hour support.
Ms Hohnberg urged anyone who was suffering and found it hard to talk to those closest to them to seek out organisations such as Lifeline because there was “always a better option” than the one that her father chose.
For help call Lifeline on 13 11 14, visit the beyondblue website at www.beyondblue.org.au or visit the Blag Dog Institute website www.blackdoginstitute. org.au.
THE death of farmer Phillip Hohnberg is a story that is sadly all too common, according to Lifeline central west executive director Alex Ferguson.
He said life on the farm had changed over time and had become one of the most lonely lifestyles.
Mr Hohnberg killed himself in 2013 and his family said he had shown almost no sign of the pain that he suffered.
Mr Ferguson said there used to be multiple families living on the same farm, usually a manager as well, every town had a sale yard and there were people to share the workload.
But more often than not, there is only one person managing the land while the spouse heads off to full-time work during the day to supplement the declining income, according to Mr Ferguson.
“There’s this isolation now,” he said.
“Communication is the real issue.”
And men are far more likely to commit suicide than women.
Of the 850,000 calls made to Lifeline this year, 80 per cent were from women but of the 2500 suicides this year 80 per cent were male, Mr Ferguson said.
“They don’t confide in people like women do,” he said.
“Blokes don’t talk.
“It’s no wonder then that [the number of] rural suicides are three times greater than [the number of] urban suicides.”
Mr Ferguson said there were elements in the story of Phillip Hohnberg’s death that were sadly common.
Many families do not see it coming.
“The most often-asked question after someone leaves from families is they say ... if they knew they would have tried to do something,” he said.
People needed to take the time to ask if someone was alright, dig deeper than “hi, how are you” and push the point, Mr Ferguson said.
“Everyone is time poor, everyone is rushing around,” he said.
For help call Lifeline on 13 11 14
nicole.kuter@fairfaxmedia.com.au