1. You never use a pub's actual name
The Hood, the Parky, the Nob, the Gladdy, the Western. Gibberish to out-of-towners, but easily understandable venues for a cold one in Orange. In any other town the phrase "I'm going to the Ho" would raise some questions.
2. You won't shop somewhere unless there's a parking space at the front door
In Orange, we don't like to walk more than 20 metres from the car to the shop. We will do a lap of the block - from roundabout to roundabout - until we find a car park right out front. If there is still no park... we'll just keep lapping.
3. You acknowledge everyone else in Orange is a terrible driver
Despite dealing with roundabouts, double-lane roads and every type of intersection known to humankind, everyone in Orange is a terrible driver, suffering indicator deficiencies and a fundamental lack of understanding when it comes to road rules and common courtesy. Except you. You're awesome.
4. You've been convinced Orange winters aren't as bad as they used to be
It might be -5 degrees with tenpin bowling ball-sized hail stones falling from the heavens, but conventional Orange wisdom is that winter used to be bleaker. Suck it up and look forward to your own twilight years when you can tell youngsters about how cold July was when you were growing up.
5. A plausible explanation for being under the weather on a Saturday or Sunday is "I went to the Royal"
You can see them every weekend, clutching coffees with jittery hands and attempting to read menus through bleary eyes. Offer no sympathy because none is deserved. They were at the Royal last night.
6. You think lapping is a perfectly acceptable way for a teenager to pass an evening
There was at least one night when the P-plater you went back and forth along Summer Street with the wind in your hair, singing the words to a crap song at the top of your lungs. You don't have to admit it in public, but you know it's true. For the curious, the usual congregation point is the road-side end of the "Frankos" carpark.
7. You've almost committed duckocide near Cook Park
If it's a rite of passage for Orange toddlers to feed the ducks in Cook Park then it's part and parcel of an Orange adult's life to almost thin the flock when driving nearby. Nothing says Orange like a last-second swerve to avoid a mother duck leading a train of ducklings on one of their regular excursions over Kite, Sampson or Summer streets.
8. You've violently cursed the pedestrians using the crossing outside Woolworths
A granny with a loaded shopping cart. Some schoolkids distracted by their conversation. A mother struggling to keep her sports uniform-clad children in a pack. It's not that the crossing is over-used, it's that just as one pedestrian has finished crossing, another appears out of thin air. Grip the steering wheel extra hard and keep the expletives to a low roar.
9. You recognise the town's superiority to Bathurst
If you head east from Orange on a bright winter's morning you'll soon reach the top of The Rocks, only to be greeted by an enormous fog cloud. Descending into the grey mist, the blue skies becoming distant in your rear-view mirror, the obvious thought hits you: how anyone could live in Bathurst?
10. You laugh at the mispronunciation of local place names on TV news
Cudal becomes Cuddle, Canowindra becomes Can-o-win-dra. Eugowra? Forget about it.
11. You can't go for a bike ride and not stop to get a coffee from one of Orange's 400 cafes
There's a cafe on almost every corner in Orange, with a new one springing up every five minutes, but one thing stays the same: the clientele. MAMIL'S (Middle Aged Men In Lycra) love their foamy lattes.
12. You've made your peace with Grand Canyon-sized potholes
It's no secret the roads in Orange are terrible. As soon as mother nature throws down a spit, the earth opens and cars are swallowed. You can spot the town's mechanics who specialise in suspension replacements by the smiles on their faces and the wads of cash in their pockets.
13. You think following the road rules on roundabouts is optional
We know we covered Orange drivers earlier, but a general lack of knowledge of roundabout rules is worth special mention. Turning right from the left lane is your God-given right. If you don't feel like indicating to mark your chosen exit, no one can make you. Giving way? That's giving up. Good thing there's only about 2000 roundabouts in the city ...
14. You believe pyjamas are acceptable attire to wear to the supermarket
There's no need to stress about colour coordination when your pyjamas already come as a matching pair. While some people might classify pyjamas as something you only wear at home, in Orange they're considered outerwear no matter where you go. Fluffy slippers or ugg boots are also essential.